Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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