im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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