oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
you are never too drunk for berry picking
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
