There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Randomize
