Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
