i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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