cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Randomize
