Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
