some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
He has the fingertips of a God
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
