I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
