Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
