What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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