Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
