One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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