Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize