If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Randomize
