You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
