Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I am spending my child support on dildos
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
