Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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