We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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