There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
