eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
