dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Randomize
