Need sex. Gaining weight.
Ketchup is God's man juice
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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