If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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