is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
