u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
