I can feel you judging me through the phone.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Randomize
