he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
