Someone shit on the floor
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
