Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
