i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Randomize
