He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Randomize
