im about as happy as oj after his trial
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Randomize
