Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
honey bunches of taint.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize