so that wasnt chicken after all
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
