somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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