I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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