I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
