Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
