there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
