its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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