Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
