my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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