Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
