Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
