Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
