so that wasnt chicken after all
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
