I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
