Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
