Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
