I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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