She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize