it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
