ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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