is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
