we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
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