i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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