When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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