here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
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