He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
