Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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