he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
