the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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