White coat. Heels.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
