It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
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