the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
it was like eating out sand paper
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize