I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
You can't motorboat a personality
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
birth control should be required to get into college
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Sext me about skeletons
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Randomize
