Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
