he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Randomize
