he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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