well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
