i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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