Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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