we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
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