I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
