you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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