just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
MIDGETS
????
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
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