I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Dignity is for republicans.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
