Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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